Well, it did take a while.
We started simply- just taking away the barriers. Then I began to "track" and we began to "schedule" and all those things that make you feel like you're doing something useful when you're really just causing more stress. Well I guess it was useful at least in that it pushed me to talk to the doctor. In the end, my problem was a simple one of irregularity and adjusted easily by a little pill. (This is certainly making a long story short, as is my custom.).
The emotional journey seemed endless. I've never cried out to The Lord so strongly before. It became so hard to hope that things would ever change. But somehow, I never did completely lose hope. Again and again I had to lay my dreams at God's feet and beg Him to help me believe that His plans for me were good. The hardest months were those right before we got pregnant.
On March 26, I saw the magical two lines and fell to my knees. How do people not immediately shout out this news? Everything had changed. My dreams were coming true.
But there was a reason for my journey, and I didn't want to forget that. I had known so many people who had similar experiences and it didn't make my pain any more bearable. I didn't want to forfeit my pain for my joy, crazy at that sounds.
One thing that I held onto for the sake of others was keeping my pregnancy off of social media. The people who needed to know could find out the old fashioned way.
I've heard so many sermons on suffering through the years, but this Sunday was the first one I have heard from the "other side." It was on Romans 5:3-5, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." This was the first time I could see the full circle of my experience and realize how true this verse is! I did persevere, which built my character more than anything else in my life. And that character building did allow me to continue to hope in my God.
The day before, I had received my first baby shower. During this celebration with dear friends who expressed so much love and joy for me and my little baby, I realized that by holding on to my experience of suffering I was not allowing others to rejoice with me. By trying to protect others who might be hurting like I had, I disregarded those that wanted to celebrate this new joy with me.
I am still processing many things about my journey and this new transition, but one thing I have realized is that God's reasoning for what happens in my life is not yet known to me, and I shouldn't come to my own conclusions about it. That being said, I would like to encourage all you women who may be experiencing the pain of suffering through infertility- not to tell you that your story will be the same as mine, but to assure you that God does love you and have a good plan for you, and that I know that is so hard to believe right now. And for those who are dying to celebrate the life that is growing in my womb, I welcome you with open arms and apologize for the delay in the invitation.
And now the best news of my life so far:
Adelaide Hope Eaton is expected to arrive December 4, 2014!
The day before, I had received my first baby shower. During this celebration with dear friends who expressed so much love and joy for me and my little baby, I realized that by holding on to my experience of suffering I was not allowing others to rejoice with me. By trying to protect others who might be hurting like I had, I disregarded those that wanted to celebrate this new joy with me.
I am still processing many things about my journey and this new transition, but one thing I have realized is that God's reasoning for what happens in my life is not yet known to me, and I shouldn't come to my own conclusions about it. That being said, I would like to encourage all you women who may be experiencing the pain of suffering through infertility- not to tell you that your story will be the same as mine, but to assure you that God does love you and have a good plan for you, and that I know that is so hard to believe right now. And for those who are dying to celebrate the life that is growing in my womb, I welcome you with open arms and apologize for the delay in the invitation.
And now the best news of my life so far:
Adelaide Hope Eaton is expected to arrive December 4, 2014!
